Don’t leave a stone unturned.

The mind's ability to disregard a painful truth, is phenomenal. The second a deep hurt from the past is activated, our thoughts have already set in motion a cover up procedure to make sure we do not reengage with a certain devastating experience of the past... That is, until we are 100% clear that we are ready to clean out the closet.

I noticed quite early on in my cancer journey, the tendency to automatically shy away from certain stirring issues. To mitigate this self preserving instinct, my motto during my path towards healing was 'to not leave a stone unturned.' The idea was that in order to address and heal some of the unconscious pain that was covertly directing my life, I needed to switch my BS meter to the max and point it at myself. By default it is set to 'other annoying people' so the willingness to self inquire is both a monumental and radical step. Judging others for all their shortcomings is an endless game, taking full responsibility for our own lives however, is how we make change.

In my everyday busy life, I would not have discovered this universal trait of denial. But what I saw during my time as a patient, was that when encountering a deep pain, the true underlying cause, was elusive if not invisible. I needed to grab hold of this slippery eel if I wanted to heal...:-)

For me, confrontation was a great place to look for hidden signs of bugs in the operating software.

My fear of confrontation was so immanent that if I was in a room with a potential aggressor, I would unconsciously adapt my words and behaviour to induce peace and harmony. I would abandon my true self and enter into some form of performance or dance to forge a certain outcome. This behaviour is off course exhausting and leads to all sorts of power dynamics and it led me to lose touch with my authentic self. To say yes when I felt no, smile when I felt disheartened, cave in when I needed to express.

In most cases, life is designed to point these fallacies out to us, usually through other people poking around with these imaginary belief structures. It is easy to think that 'other people' is the problem, hence the wars we wage in the kitchen, or the parking lot, or on the battle field. But if we have the courage to investigate our own malware and take responsibility for what we experience in life, we are in for some serious revelations.

To not leave a stone unturned, was my reminder to look closer every time I felt the sharp edges of life pressing. In stead of subconsciously reverting to 'coping mechanisms' the second I felt hurt, every pain was seen as an opportunity to discover a deeper truth underneath. It was a game of unravelling the false self at each challenging encounter.

This is a radical shift in the psyche as every foe is now a messenger of truth.

The biggest step is the first turn around. Our ego’s just want to point fingers and blame others and the world for our problems. But once the process of turning stones and looking deeper has commenced, and revealed its noble fruits, all the suffering in the world is there to rub against us and polish our inner diamond.

During my cancer journey, I was doing some incredible treatments to nourish and heal my body. Yet the biggest part of my road to well-being was the conscious effort to change my thinking and emotional patterns. It wasn’t fun to admit that I was suppressing certain emotions out of fear of rejection… Or that I didn’t feel worthy to express certain feelings... but my goodness, once I took full responsibility, my inner sense of well-being and wholeness took on new dimensions and within 12 months the cancer started shrinking.

The beauty of this path, besides healing, is that every time we feel hurt, our emotions are literally spelling out the next opportune investigation. Akin to a neon sign in the dark, life is intelligently guiding us back to wholeness one bad at a time.

How good is that?